Do you have relationship questions you ask before embarking on a new personal relationship? You should. Do you know why? It’s because your chances of getting the right life partner the first time you date are minimal. Research shows that the average person in the U.S. will have at least 7.2 sexual partners in their lifetime. It’s safe to say that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find the person that you would like to spend your life with.
But what if you do not want to kiss that many frogs? Or what if you are tired of the series of frogs that you have been dating and kissing? What should you do? Well, having a set of commonsense relationship questions that you ask yourself before getting into a new relationship may help you out. It may be the only way for you to ensure that you do not invest your time and emotions in a relationship with horrible prospects. These questions may also save you from future legal trouble or a situation that will endanger your life or that of your kids in the future.
Relationship Statistics Worth Noting
No sane person goes into a marriage expecting it to fail. But sometimes, that is what happens. Here are some aggregated divorce rate statistics to ponder:
These statistics are quite discouraging, especially if you are the kind of person who wants to make your relationships work. It’s for this reason that you need to ask yourself difficult relationship questions before you get into a relationship, especially a marriage. Doing so will raise your chances of finding a compatible partner and reducing the likelihood of divorce and the stress that comes with it.
The Importance Of Preparing Before Getting Into Relationships
Relationships are investments. When you get into one, you are committing to invest your time, money, energy, and emotions. Nobody does that expecting failure. Dating is not always fun, especially if you keep on finding the wrong people and you are getting on in years. Dating waters can also be murky and may end up putting you in touch with people whose characters you would hate to associate with.
Unfortunately, life does not always work the way you want to. Studies show that one of the biggest regrets people have in life concerns romance. You should, therefore, be prepared before getting into a new relationship. If you have done your homework, you may end up with an excellent partner with whom you can start life anew.
On the other hand, if you are unprepared, you may find yourself legally bound to someone you will come to resent and who may get you in some serious trouble legally, emotionally, and financially. Lack of preparation before embarking on a relationship may also affect your physical and mental health negatively.
Relationship Questions You Ask Yourself Can Impact Relationships
Asking yourself tough relationship questions may seem crazy when you are struggling to find the right person. But it’s not. Science shows that emotional pain is real, which means that a breakup from someone in whom you are invested will put you in a world of hurt. So, isn’t it better for you to find someone that meets most of your criteria so that you can reduce the chance of dealing with a breakup in the future? If you have been through multiple breakups in the past, surely you would appreciate not repeating your mistakes, right?
Relationship Questions You Should Ask Yourself When Dating
There are many relationship questions that you should ask yourself before you get into a new relationship. Some are simple to answer, while others may be quite tough to address. However, it is vital that you have satisfactory answers to these questions. That way, you can feel comfortable with the person you intend to continue dating, and quite confident that your relationship has a chance of working.
Am I ready for a new relationship?
One of the first relationship questions that you need to ask yourself is whether you are ready for a new relationship. What people say about how long it should take for you to recover from a relationship does not matter that much. What you think is what matters the most. It is your relationship after all.
One study shows that it takes about 11 weeks to see the positive aspects of your breakup. But what if you dealt with an abusive partner in the past? Do you think that 11 weeks is enough to start thinking about a new relationship? Probably not. Some relationships are damaging, and require you to take time off dating to engage in serious self-care.
It will probably take you even longer to recover from a permanent marital split. Research shows that it takes an average of 18 months for people to get over their divorce. Separating from someone from who you were legally committed is a painful process.
No matter which way you look at it, a relationship that ends saddles you with emotional baggage. It’s vital that you deal with that baggage entirely at your own pace before you embark on a new one. Having a rebound relationship is not always advisable. You may end up worse off than you started if you make personal life decisions when you are broken hearted. So, if you are not ready for a new relationship, it’s best to stay single until you are. You owe nobody explanations on that. Let them talk.
Do I like and respect this person?
Do you like and respect the person that you are thinking for dating for the long term? You should. Research shows that nurturing a relationship where there is affection, respect for boundaries, and compromise is essential to maintaining a good relationship for the long term. Other reports show that both men and women would rather remain single that feel disrespected in a relationship.
It is not possible for you to always agree on all matters with your partner. However, overcoming those differences will only be possible if you can still feel affectionate and respectful of the person that you are dating. Therefore, if you cannot find in yourself the ability to like and respect someone you intend to date or have begun dating, you need to reconsider that relationship.
Do I agree with this person about finances?
The issue of finances is one that always comes up when people raise relationship questions. While money may not be everything, it matters a lot. And disagreements about money can cause a lot of problems. Here are a few statistics about money and relationships that you need to ponder on:
It would be prudent for you to start asking money questions early on in a relationship. How much debt does your partner have? Why does he or she have that debt? Is that debt being paid for? Does your partner have alimony and child support payments that need to be paid? Is this something you are comfortable dealing with? Do you both believe in the hybrid, individual, or unified bank account approach? Do you have financial responsibilities to other family members?
55 percent of Americans consider strong budgeting and money management skills as an attractive trait in a potential partner for a reason. If you are not comfortable with the answers you get when you inquire about money issues, you need to go back to the drawing table. Relationships should not saddle you with unmanageable debt or poor credit scores.
Are my religious and political values aligned with this person?
What are your political and religious views? Are they compatible with those of your partner? Recent opinion polls show that the gulf between Republicans and Democrats has widened to the point of some people cutting off relationships because of politics. Besides that, about 44 percent of Americans believe that shared religious beliefs are very important for a successful marriage.
So, would you prefer someone with whom you share both political and religious beliefs? Can you compromise on one or both of these issues? What if you end up with someone whose religion requires you to convert to theirs? Is this something you would be willing to consider? If you cannot compromise on politics or religious beliefs, your relationship may not be able to work.
What do I know about this person’s legal history?
Do you know whether the person to whom you are attracted has a legal history of some kind? That is very important if you want to avoid problems later on.
One type of history you should look into is domestic violence history. Ten million men and women have been victims of domestic abuse. So, you need to tread carefully when considering a potential spouse. The perpetrators of domestic abuse are out there, and you may be dating one of them. This kind of violence can get you killed. It may also turn your kids into abusers or victims in the future even if they are lucky to escape the violence as children.
Also, consider whether your partner has a sexual abuse history. Getting this information is crucial especially if you have any kids. Did you know that 95 percent of children who are sexually abused undergo this abuse in the hands of someone that they know and trust? Did you also know that children growing up in dysfunctional homes are more likely to experience sexual abuse? Both men and women can be perpetrators of sexual abuse. So pay close attention to the sexual abuse history of your partner.
Other types of legal histories that you should also ask about include bankruptcies, drug addiction issues, etc. Determine what you can live with before getting invested in someone fully.
Do I agree with this person about kids and parenting?
Do you want children or not? Does your partner want children or not? Are either one or you or both of you coming into this relationship with any kids? How do you feel about parenting them?
With 82 percent of parents preferring to divorce rather than staying together for the sake of the kids, it’s quite likely that you will date at least one person with kids, assuming you are not a parent yourself. So, how will you parent the kids you bring into your blended family? Can you agree on your parenting styles or at least find a compromise? It’s crucial that the kids that you bring into the relationship do not feel that you as the parents are playing favorites. Otherwise, resentment will grow, and every relationship will suffer.
Will my loved ones accept this person?
The approval of your loved ones matters a little where your choice of your partner is concerned. These people may be the support system that you need if the relationship ends. So, please pay attention to what they say about your potential spouse and consider whether the issues they raise are important enough to warrant more investigations on your part.
Asking Yourself Relationship Questions Before Getting into a New Partnership Is Important
It’s much easier to enjoy your new relationship and the companionship that it brings you. But that does not mean you should ignore asking tough relationship questions about your potential spouse. You don’t have to answer yes to all the questions positively. You only need to make sure those that matter have satisfactory answers. By doing so, you will avoid wasting your time and energy into relationships that are going nowhere. While those relationship questions may be uncomfortable to hear, and may force you to confront issues you would rather ignore, they can help save your life and ensure that the well being of your kids in the future.