In order to thrive, relationships are meant to be free from emotional baggage and unresolved issues with previous spouses. But sometimes, that is not the case.
With the rate of divorce being around 50% and many of those persons remarrying within five years, new relationships are filled with unnecessary baggage, carried over from a previous marriage.
It can be difficult to think even of the person you love, being with someone else. Even more so if they have had children and even had a happy marriage.
It is difficult thinking that person was not you in the first place.
These are the issues, which arise when you have remarriage after divorce.
What is worse is if that person is a consistent problem in your life after you have married your spouse. For the sake of maintaining a healthy marriage that lasts, it is important that you learn how to handle issues involving a previous spouse.
Take a Close Look at How You Are Feeling
One of the things that you need to do, to move forward, is to examine your own emotions.
Scrutinize your hesitancy.
If there is any feeling of insecurity, then maybe the crux of the problem is with you and not your spouse.
Ask the tough questions.
Why are you feeling insecure?
Being introspective and looking at the matter with objectivity will help you to handle whatever issues arise, which involves a previous spouse.
When emotions are involved, our judgment tends to be clouded.
We start to think that our spouse is still in love with his or her ex-spouse or that they will leave you and return to them. Your mental state becomes preoccupied with the past, with the possibilities of what can happen.
Then you lose focus of the relationship that you actually have with them.
Get a grasp of the facts of the situation.
Know that if children or alimony is involved, there are bound to be some issues. Sharing custody with a previous spouse can raise any number of issues. They will range from child support payments, and visitation rights. It can also include pick up days, discipline, diet and nutrition, schooling and a plethora of other concerns, which can be blown out of proportion.
These can spill over into your relationship if it is not addressed properly. However, just because your partner’s life is complicated, doesn’t mean that you have to be miserable about it. Handling these issues will only require constant patience and understanding.
But if these factors existed before the marriage, or before you got serious, it is advised that you mindfully think about whether you can live with these issues. And will you be able to deal with them responsibly in the future.
Do You Have Trust Issues Because of a Previous Spouse?
Settle on whether you have confidence in your partner. How you are feeling can be linked to your distrust in your partner and it is worth exploring.
Think about why you married them and why they chose you. Go through the reasons why you love them and why they love and chose you.
Based on those reasons, resolve to give your spouse your trust, completely. If there are valid reasons for concerns, then it is time to discuss them with your partner. Resolve to work out your issues.
Don’t let your bad experiences hinder your current relationship. Remind yourself that you are no longer with the person who hurt you in the past.
Also, don’t let what happens to the surrounding people affect the outcome or decisions that you make concerning your union. Just because your friend had the same situation, does not mean that you will have the same outcome they had that can trip up your relationship and doom it to failure.
Communicate with Your Spouse
What is a spouse good for if not to talk about these types of issues? Your relationship can grow and thrive because of how you two resolve differences. Be open with your partner and let them know your concerns. But don’t attack them.
Come from a place of calm and objectivity.
Don’t dread talking to your spouse about their ex-spouse and if it applies, ex-spouses. Some people have been with more than one person and have more than one baby daddy. Regardless, the approach is the same.
Tell them about your feelings and how their interaction with their ex, makes you feel. Don’t lie, be clear, and be frank. Minimizing the issue won’t get you the resolution that you seek. And your peace of mind is integral to sustaining the well-being of your relationship.
A considerate spouse will consider your feelings and set up boundaries. They will have work with you on establishing a new game plan so that you are comfortable and happy. Relationships take work and if you love each other, be willing to take time and work through these kinds of issues as well.