Family Info – Blended Fams

Life is even more enjoyable when you find someone to share every special moment. So you find the ideal mate, start dating them, and you decide to get married. You spend a wonderful life together. A life that is filled with cherished memories of raising kids and working together to achieve your goals in life. You support each other. You fight with each other but you love each other through it all. And then that partner dies – the one you depend one, who is your rock, your comfort and who was with you every step of the way. They are gone. They have left you on this earth, seemingly alone. The loss of a loved one can seem like an insurmountable obstacle tied to an ocean of never-ending grief. Your days and nights become one long purgatory and your heart aches incessantly. Nothing can quell the rising tide of grief and despair. You are no longer a couple. People now refer to you as a widow or widower. After spending many years and sometimes decades with someone, you see them as your world. They knew the intricate places of your heart and you knew them like the back of your hand. Death is final, but the hurt sometimes continues forever. Life after Death for Surviving Spouses Grief is a process. This happens to everyone – but for different lengths of time. And during this process, you bounce around between denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance so many times. For some people, they find a stage and are stuck there. Initially, they bargain with God and ask “why me” and swear they would do anything to have the person back. Others get angry and resent everything and everyone. They become bitter and live alone. Millions of people face depression. Hearing a favorite song makes them cry or even walking by a favorite spot. Their emotions are at the edge of their sleeves and they get lonely and sink further into depression. It gets worse when they lie in the bed alone. They shared this place with their beloved. And it is now empty. Their hearts break anew every night. Eventually though, many come to a place of acceptance and peace. They try to move on with their lives and if they have young children then they tend to work at thriving so that they can provide and care for them. Sometimes, a surviving spouse faces survivor’s remorse. But even though losing a spouse is immensely difficult, it forces you to adjust to a new way of life. And once widowed, you can continue living life and there is a hope of experiencing some level of contentment. Remarriage for Surviving Spouses Not everyone who loses a spouse to death and becomes a widow or widower is stuck being alone and lonely for the rest of their lives. There are those who get a second chance at love. They find another person and form a connection. The second love might not be as the first, but it is still love. It is fine to start thinking about having another partner after your spouse has passed for some time. As human beings, we crave companionship and having someone to share our lives with and make new memories. This is a cause for concern for widows and widowers who are still relatively young and have decades ahead of them. Why should they not consider remarriage if this is what they truly want? It is not belittling the love that they had for a deceased partner. The heart is capable of loving someone else afterwards, but with time passed. People remarry for various reasons. It could be as a way to stem the loneliness. For others, they were not looking for it, but they welcome the chance at love again. Some frankly need help to raise the kids and they can’t do it on their own. There are numerous reasons why surviving spouses remarry. Family Members Resent the Idea of Surviving Spouses Remarrying The people in their lives, especially their children can and most often do resent the fact that they are remarrying. They question whether the person truly loved the other parent. Children and other family members will even question the person’s loyalty. But that is unfair. You can never understand a person and their choices until you have lived their life. During this time, they need sound advice and wise counsel. But most of all, they need support and understanding from their friends, family and children. As they say, no one can take the place that was once occupied by a loved one. But our hearts are big enough to love again and resilient enough to try. Grief can take a toll on your soul, but love can heal any wound.