Finding love is a beautiful experience. The last thing we want is for it to turn into a bad relationship. We want it to blossom, to be something we are proud of. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Toxic relationships can find their way into our happiness, invading every aspect of our lives. They can interfere with our friendships and family relationships. A bad relationship can also lead to a vicious cycle of depression and anxiety, even abuse.
But the question is, how do you get out? What should you do when you find yourself in the middle of a bad relationship? Can the affected parties really get out of a bad relationship? Rest assured that you do not have to remain stuck in a toxic situation. Once you recognize that your relationship is not healthy, there are steps you can take to end it -- even if it isn't easy.
Signs of a Bad Relationship
Most people are usually ignorant of the obvious red flags with regards to a bad relationship. They don't realize the signs at first, and by the time they do, they aren't sure how to end it. Some are living in denial because they aren't willing to accept that their relationship is actually taking a nose dive. However, the earlier you react to a bad relationship, the better! You want to pay attention to the following warning signs.
Always trying to remember the good
If you’re starting to have thoughts like, "this doesn’t feel good anymore," or "this is not like it used to be," it is likely your relationship is headed south. A bad relationship is one in which the “good times” are nothing more than a memory. It’s no longer fun. It is filled with longings and cravings for the good old days. If you find that your partner is bringing you down more than lifting you up, you need to rethink your relationship.
Paying for everything
When you’re the one paying for everything, always, then something doesn’t really add up. Yes, there may be cases where your partner is jobless, which is an exception here. However, if your partner is working and isn’t supportive financially, things may have taken a turn for the worse. It's also a bad sign if your partner isn't working or looking for a job, and just expects you to foot the bill.
Happier without them
Why for goodness’ sake would you be happier when your partner isn’t around? If you are, then you are probably in a bad relationship already. A healthy relationship is the exact opposite of this: you are happier when your partner is around. However, if your partner’s absence is the cause for your happiness, there could be a gap that both of you need to fill.
A lacking sex life
Good sex is part of a healthy relationship. If your sex life isn't satisfying, there might be an underlying issue. This is especially true if you’ve talked with your partner about it and they aren’t making any efforts to improve things. Could it be that love has turned sour? Possibly, which is why it is one of the signs of a bad relationship.
Uneasy around your partner
In a good relationship, you should be comfortable around your partner. It’s only normal! However, if for some reason you feel a little uneasy when the two of you are together, this is another red flag. You need to spend some time thinking about your relationship if this is the case.
Always fighting
While a little bickering is sometimes healthy for a relationship, constant misunderstandings are a bad sign. Couples should progress toward more understanding (and less arguing) as they get to know each other better. Constant conflicts have a negative impact on your relationship. It signifies your relationship is headed in the wrong direction.
Keeping secrets
If your relationship is healthy, it should have no secrets -- not even one. It’s a strange thing when your partner is always keeping secrets from you. What is it that they could be hiding from you? Does it mean they no longer confide in you? It’s time to wake up and realize that this is a red flag for a bad relationship.
They stonewall important discussions
Partners need to talk about important things in relationships -- not just what to watch on Netflix. This is why you want to be wary when your partner blatantly refuses to get involved in important topics, including when to have a baby. When it is not possible to discuss the major issues in a relationship, then there’s a huge problem.
They want you all to themselves
Another sign of a bad relationship is when your partner wants you to cut ties with friends and family. Your partner shouldn't try to control and manipulate you or separate you from your support system.
Why Some People Stay in a Bad Relationship
There’s no denying that being in a bad relationship is a miserable experience. Yet, some people can’t seem to get out of them. Some even stay in them for life. Why do they stay even after realizing it’s unsatisfying? Here are a few possible reasons:
For the children
Some parents choose to stay together for children’s sake. Most want to shield their children from the emotional pain of a divorce. Most likely don’t want their children blaming them for being unable to hold the family together. Consequently, they stay in a bad relationship. In reality, this does the children no favors.
Accustomed to pain
Whether you agree or not, spending too much time in the dark makes you fear the light. This is also true with a bad relationship. Most people get so accustomed to all of the drama and pain in poisonous relationships that they no longer want a better experience. Some don’t even believe something better exists. Hence, they stay.
Misconceptions about relationships
Most people believe relationships take hard work. People believe that love is tough. They have no issues working hard to make things work. But other people take this to the extreme. Their relationships are a constant struggle that brings the worst out of them. Unfortunately, they don't realize that this isn't the way things are supposed to be and they end up staying in a bad relationship.
Feelings of unworthiness
You need to know how much you’re worth. You need to accept and respect all that you are. Otherwise, you will allow other people to treat you badly, and you will feel that you deserve it. Eventually, you will believe that it’s normal four your partner to trample you down.
No way out
There are times when people want to quit a bad relationship and have peace of mind. However, they find that the road ahead seems so foggy. They don't know how to find a way out. Sometimes, they lack the encouragement, strength, and hope they need to move on. They often feel trapped. As a result, they give up.
Fear
You won’t believe the types of fears that keep people in a bad relationship. The fear of being judged and ridiculed is one of these. Other fears include living alone forever should they opt to leave. Some people fear being laughed at. Others are afraid they won’t be able to survive solo. For some, the thought of not knowing where to go makes them panic. These are just a few of the fears that make people hold onto a bad relationship.
Ways to Get out of a Bad Relationship
A toxic relationship can be a scary scenario that seems to have no end. It can suck the very life out of you. Needless to say, if your partner is taking a toll on you, it’s only healthy that you leave the toxic situation as soon as possible. Here are some practical ways to call it quits:
Don’t mistake addiction for love
Addiction and love boast some similarities. According to studies, the same areas of the brain are stimulated for both addiction and love. Therefore, you want to be careful to not mistake addiction for love. Most people don't realize that you can become addicted to a person. A bad relationship is usually void of the characteristics of love, including such things as respect, trust, and commitment. A toxic relationship is driven by addiction rather than love. Once you realize this, you’ll be able to find a way out.
Don’t make excuses for your ex
If you find yourself saying things like, "he didn’t mean to do it,” or "she wasn't trying to hurt me," you should snap back into reality. But many people try to make excuses for their partners in an effort to justify their wrongdoings. Note that there is no justifiable reason for someone to treat you wrongly.
Make a commitment
Decide once and for all that you’re going to end a bad relationship. Obviously, it isn't an easy thing to do. Yet, your conviction should carry you through. Start by planning ahead. Know where you’re going to stay after the breakup. Then talk to your partner about your decision to leave. Do it in a quiet, public place -- just in case. As you break the news, be pretty direct and blunt.
Cut all ties
For the first six months after the breakup, do not get in touch with your ex -- at all. It may not be easy to do it, but you need time to heal and adjust to your new reality. It also keeps you from getting sucked back into the toxic situation you just got out of. Ignore all of those calls and texts. You want to give them the impression that it’s really over between the two of you. While there will be moments when you wish to be in contact, resist the temptation at all costs. For emotional support, you might want to get a close friend or family member to spend time with you.
Express your emotions
Sometimes the entire breakup process is overwhelming. That’s when you need to open up to someone you trust to help cope with the raging feelings. Seek the help of family and friends. If you can, seek the help of a professional. If you fear that your ex-partner might become violent, turn to the authorities.
Get your life back
Surround yourself with the right people. Obviously, not everyone is going to be supportive, but you want to hang out with the people who will affirm your decision and help you heal. Rediscover your interests -- it’s easy for one to lose track of their true interests when they’re in an abusive relationship. Try enriching your life by joining a club or picking up a hobby you had dropped.
Forgive and move on
Don’t ever regret getting out of a bad relationship. Avoid beating yourself up for the failed connection. Instead, take with you the lessons you’ve learned so that you don’t fall prey to similar encounters in the future. Be kind to yourself, forget the painful past, and move on to embrace a better tomorrow.
It's Time to Quit That Bad Relationship
Some say love is the meaning of life. The sweet dates, stimulating conversations, steamy sex, and just enjoying life together are some of the upsides of a healthy relationship. But what if it’s this very love which is wearing you out? Things can go south quickly. The once-sweet relationship can turn sour when you’re least expecting it. Once you know you are in a bad relationship, it's time get out of it before things go from bad to worse.
Featured image: CC0, by Odonata Wellnesscenter, via Pexels
